Sunday, January 28, 2007

Why Don't We Heal?

Lately, I have received more than one e-mail from people I know who are telling me nothing is helping them heal–neither conventional or alternative medicine.

As someone who spent years searching for a healing answer to a debilitating illness, I can honestly relate to the profound sense of frustration you experience when you are trying to heal and nothing is really changing. I don't believe I have ever felt more helpless than when I couldn't even get control of my own healing.

However, that eventually changed and it began with an answer to a prayer from a friend. I had called my friend to skip out on a shopping trip because I felt terrible and, at age 29, my face was broken out with pimples. Fortunately, she talked me into going–to cheer me up–and I couldn't let down a friend.

In the car, she asked me many personal questions about my health and then recommended an endocrinologist. "I explored that," I told her, "and no one even wanted to see me."

"He will. I'm sure of it," she responded. A few weeks later, I was in his office. He was a very thorough doctor and what impressed me most is that he took time to really listen to me as I described every single symptom.

After running a few tests, he explained to me at my next appointment I was producing as much testosterone as a male in puberty. Wow! I was not expecting that!

I found myself driving home from my appointments with tears streaming down my cheeks, not because I was afraid we would fail or relieved we would succeed, but because someone had truly listened to me.

Next: How can you use listening to help heal yourself?

Saturday, January 27, 2007

How Do You Know When the Advice is Right?

Knowing when the advice we are receiving is the right advice can be very challenging. I find I have two reactions. Often my first reaction is absolute rebellion. All my reasons and excuses come to the forefront of my mind. That is a great indicator that the advice I am receiving is probably the advice I need. The rebellion is the manifestation of the resistance I've been holding on to all along, and resistance is often based in fear not wisdom.

When I sit quietly with the advice, I usually feel thread of uncomfortable truth inside me. The advice makes me feel hopeful and excited about the possibility as well as darned scared or nervous.

When the advice is wrong it usually sounds really interesting and makes complete sense, but something about the advice bothers me. "It sounds good, but it doesn't smell right," a friend of mine used to say. Somehow it comes across as advice that would be really good for someone else, but not for me. Frequently, the advice seems like information that is really close to what I need to hear but not exactly it.

Because I had immediate resistance to what my husband was suggesting regarding my progress in life, I knew I needed to listen even more. This same scenario is coming up with clients of mine who are deep healing processes where they are finding nothing in conventional or alternative medicine is helping them.

Next: Why We Don't Heal

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Getting the Advice You May Not Want, But Need to Hear

Asking for real advice takes courage. It is easy to hear we are doing great. However, hearing that we may be missing something significant is a lot harder to hear. Yet, when stuck in the mud, knowing what we might be missing is far more important than what we already know.

So I asked my husband his opinion. He is such a great guy! He very kindly and emphatically told me that he had made a suggestion to me on several previous occasions, but I had not done anything with his suggestion.

The first thing I wanted to do was give him my list of reasons/excuses, but I kept my lips together and kept on listening. After explaining his case very respectfully, I told him I would seriously consider his suggestion. And I did. In fact, when I refused to allow myself to make excuses, I ceased to see why it wouldn't work and what I saw instead was how it might work.

I did run into the same stumbling blocks I had before, the same reasons I hadn't moved forward on his suggestion earlier. Only, this time, instead of giving up, I went back to my husband and shared my dilemma with him. He understood and began asking me questions to help me find my solution. We are still in the process of finding that solution, but it feels really good to be in solution mode rather than "I can't do it" mode.

What I know about this process, is once you focus on getting answers, you get them!

Next: How do you know when advice is the right advice?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

How Do We Turn Our Blocks Into Positive Action?

I've really been looking at this question lately. Now that I know to turn off my critical mind, turning it toward positive thoughts that celebrate myself and others, I've wondered how to turn positive thoughts into positive action.

Seems simple doesn't it? "Just do it!" comes to mind. And sometimes life is as simple as that popular slogan. But sometimes, I put my foot forward and find myself stuck in the mud instead of gracefully leaping forward. Do you know what I mean?

"What is going on?" I ask myself. I'm doing my positive affirmations every day. I'm anchoring in beliefs that further my success and yet the minute I get the ball rolling, I run into one obstacle after another. "Why?" I wonder.

So I get my courage up and ask someone who is likely to have the answer I don't really want to hear, but need to hear. I ask my husband.

My husband is very honest. I have heard that is true about most spouses. Fortunately, my husband is sensitive enough to not beat me up with my own shortcomings. He has a beautiful way of encouraging me to step into my full potential.

Next time: His answer

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Turning Critisizm Into Celebration

I’m probably one of the most critical people I know. I find I must keep constant vigilance on my tendency to be critical of myself and others. The best way I have found to reverse this energy is by first being conscious of it and second–and this is the fun part–I now look for opportunities to celebrate myself and others.

When someone else is successful, I have learned to acknowledge my jealousy and then celebrate their success. The minute I switch the energy to celebration I feel good and my willingness to keep going toward my own success is renewed in seeing the wonderful reality someone else has created.

I make sure I honor myself enough to attract people who honor me. I set appropriate fees for my own work, so I have no need to resent others, while I look for skilled people whose fees I can afford without criticizing those I can't afford yet.

Celebrating the successes of others has gotten much easier. And now, with some good advice from a dear friend and coach, I’m focusing on celebrating my own successes, especially the little ones I used to ignore.

I share this personal story with you in hope that you too see the value in looking deeper at the blocks we create to our own success.........and will create more time to celebrate all of your wonderful successes!

Next: The little successes that count big time

Monday, January 22, 2007

Asking the Hard Questions

As soon as I began to ask the questions I most dreaded, I began getting answers that whipped my life into perspective.

It is so much easier to simply assume I'm a great person who would not be inclined to hold resentment against someone or some institution I didn't even know. And if I did, it would certainly be justified.

But that kind of thinking is an easy escape from looking honestly at myself.

When I started answering questions about how and when I hold resentment, I found I resent all kinds of things. I resent being interrupted with sales calls. I resent businesses who charge (in my opinion) exorbitant fees, or people who act like they have knowledge about subjects they actually know very little about. I resent people who lie to me or take advantage of me. I'm often jealous of people more successful than me. Indeed I do have resentments, which means I have multiple blocks to my own success.

Resentment likes to be fed with more reasons to resent and diverts constructive, creative energy away from attracting what I want. Resentment doesn't consider other people's points of view, nor does it embody compassion. Resentment is bad karma about to circle back on me.

Next: Turning resentment into a positive energy field

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

How Do We Get Out of Our Downward Energy Spirals?

Finding a way out had to be a conscious choice, or else I would have continued an old, nonconstructive pattern of blaming others. I began by consciously choosing to see my resentment and choosing to see how I created the scenario that in my mind justified my resentment. I then chose to abandon the drama (and the righteous high that comes with defending my ego with my need to be right).

The minute I saw how I created the entire scenario, my energy started freeing up. I chose to thank myself for getting the lesson and committed to take care of myself better next time around (and I did). I gave thanks for a husband who is so compassionate, and I thanked him in person. I then got a massage to let myself know I was sorry and to let my body and soul know I really do love it. "I'm sorry and I love you," is powerful medicine.

As I look at some new ways to bring financial prosperity in my life and further my purpose, I find myself checking my resentment patterns now. Do I resent others who are prosperous? Do I resent people who I don't think honor my work? Do I resent fees people charge? Do I resent policies of organizations I would like to do business with? The willingness to ask tough questions has brought some insightful answers about the reality I create.

Next time– Hard answers that are making a difference

Saturday, January 13, 2007

More on How We Block Ourselves

More thoughts on how I block myself. If I'm resenting and blaming someone else or resenting myself, I'm blocking my own energy. In anger and frustration, it is difficult to see the possibilities. It is difficult to take responsibility for what I have created and move on, because I'm stuck in my anger.

The feeling of resentment is a high. It is absolute righteousness and it feels good to feel better than someone else. Anger is down-right addictive. Feeding my righteousness feeds the anger which keeps me trapped and unfulfilled.

If I want success, money, healing, happiness–whatever it is and I am in resentment, that resentment blocks my success-slows me down. My slow progress confirms that my resentment is justified and I'm stuck in a downward spiral.

Next time – Getting out of the downward addictive spiral.

Friday, January 12, 2007

How Do We Block Ourselves From Getting What We Really Want?

Time for New Year’s Resolutions and one of mine is making regular entries on my site! I can’t believe how long it has been. But, I don’t believe in wasting energy on guilt–I’d rather just get to it. So………

One of my great lessons for this new year came from an incident that showed me how I block my own ability to create the reality I want. Here is what happened.

Recently, my husband and I were out snow-blowing and shoveling out our driveway after a pretty good storm. The snow was heavy, so I found I was getting tired and sore much sooner than usual. My back was aching and I was ready to quit when my husband asked me to shovel out the hot tub.

“Good idea,” I thought. “ A tub would feel really great.” Well I was nearly done when my husband opened the back door and commented on how long it had taken. I was pissed. I really didn’t expect him to leave me to finish the work.

Angrily, I scooped another shovel-full of snow and I threw my back out. I could have gotten even more pissed off, but I realized if I hadn’t been angry, I probably wouldn’t have hurt myself. It wasn’t really my husband’s fault. I hadn’t asked him to help me when he finished what he was doing, and I sure hadn’t stopped when my back started complaining.

I had created my own reality. And my resentful shoveling had induced an injury. As a result, I was not very productive for about a week. I realized loudly and clearly I had created my own obstacles to creating what I wanted.

As I begin this new year, I know three things about living my purpose: 1) I am responsible for taking care of me, 2) acting from resentment is a great way to hurt myself and ultimately doesn’t get me what I need, 3) it isn’t wise to assume others know what I need and want–ask for it.